Lunatic Eclipse

Something has blotted out the sun. Donald Trump's science advisors report, after careful consideration of the evidence, that it is a sign from God. God is angry with the Democrats for resisting His will as manifested in the last election which Donald won by a HUGE margin. 

Donald hopes that Americans saw his recommendation to view the eclipse without eye protection. Democrats are such wimps and worriers. He suspects that America is becoming "pussified" and won't be able to fight in the war he intends to start one of these days. 

Just in case, though, Donald has decreed that any eye damage due to the eclipse will not be covered by health insurance. People must learn to be responsible for themselves. He has also established "bone spur awareness week" to combat that terrible, debilitating affliction.

All in a day's work.